A Sleepless Midnight Punkromance

And the ghost of a sleepless night creeps into us. But this is no song for lovers. This is me and the mirror. This is me seeking for answers, this is me looking for the truth. And we have hurt, and we have bitten more than we could chew. And we must chuck a giant mountain of shit. But we must chuck it. And it is not easy, it is not easy to move on, it is not easy to fall, to get up and keep walking until you fall. And you need to be capable of getting back in your feet. 

And I’m sorry for all the wounds, I’m sorry for all the pain, I know it hurts, but please understand my whole world came crushing down. And I just need to move on. This is not just a midnight punkromance… this is not simple heart moonlighting. This are the vampire punk rockers from hell, and all the monsters in the closet, and all the fears that live on in this world. And I don’t need Bruce Lee to face them. I just need myself. And I need my heart. My mothers are here, and they will always be. I know I do not appreciate the real one as much as I should, but in the depths of my heart, I love her. And my soul mother, well, she is there to advice me. As she has always been. And both of them allow me to make some mistakes and will never blame me for them (btw, both are same).

And both of them know we need to face pain in life, and they both know we need to move on. And friends and family are always there somehow. But I am mine, and I am the only one I’ll have for eternity. And if there is some Luna or anything like that, I know that things will come out alright. And life is a long song, and some verses might be blue. Some will be black. 

And I know it is selfish, and I know I am mean. But I need to put my own happiness in a higher priority. But this life was not meant to suffer. There is enough suffering in a regular life to create more. And right now I’m afraid death is whispering a lullaby, but I need to wake up and face my life. I cannot hide or pretend, I am not happy. And I know where and when I have been happy. But the past is written, and it is gone, and all the beautiful moments and all the shit wont come back. They may repeat, but they are not the same. And the future is still too far away to fully know what is best. Some say it is better to safe yourself from all the pain. Some say you need to go and live your life and get the most of it. That pain will teach you, that life teaches you. But Robert Plant was right when he wrote “Stairway to Heaven”.

“Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
Theres still time to change the road youre on.”

So I need to find in which road I want to walk.

- Dark Shadow!