The Waiting

Sunday afternoon and the drapes fall with grace from my windowpane. I let in the sunshine, but it will not warm my blood. I freeze in blazing light, waiting for an embrace to keep my blood running. Sunday afternoon and a glass is broken somewhere in the corners of my mind. Light shatters with the force of a thousand weeping souls. Light paints my sky in beautiful shades of all colors to be seen. Light is mostly red, and violet for me. Sunday afternoon and the sun begins to sink in my deep ocean. Rays of red and gold pierce through my eyes in solitude, just waiting for sleep. The silver bells begin to chime and soon there will be none. 

Sunday night and I’m still here. Winter’s breeze is yet to claim me, and I keep an image on my mind. I see a fairy’s child in veils wrapped, in veils dancing and milky white skin. In memories the stars sing to me their silent song. Sunday night and the cold is here. But I’m still caught in the sweet thought of a gal, and all that once worried me seems to be gone with the fires anew. Sunday night and the smell of dawn creeps into my brain. All the dark seems to float around her golden glow, her pure white light. Sunday night soon to be gone with the fires anew.

Monday morning and the streets are all gray. All the gray people walk to the gray buildings. Monday Morning and I find a rose so frail,so radiant, and beautiful. Monday morning and I think of your lips moist with Spring’s early dew. I think of your sweet eyes when you are sleeping and dreaming of this. Monday morning and my hair is caught in cobwebs left in imagination and dreams. Monday morning and I comb my hair again. 

Monday afternoon and shadows seem to close. Sweet Siren’s song tempt me to sleep, but my hands must be kept awake for both our sakes. Monday afternoon and I play a few chords for you. Maybe a blues or a classic tune. Monday afternoon and the sun sinks in my windowpane and I draw your face in every flower I see. I see you when you fall asleep through the windows of my mind. Monday afternoon and night will be here anew. Soon I may see you again. Soon I may kiss you again. Monday afternoon and I am all honey combed dreams.

Monday night and dreams begin to sail away. A soft clock drinks away my seconds while I fake my own sleep. Monday night and I keep close the scent of you. Sweet company in the late ours left undreamed again. Monday night and you are an angel. You are always an angel. Monday night and my door falls down. Shall I kneel, and fix it? Guess I should to keep the cold away. I sometimes need you to warm me. Monday night and the hounds are set loose to play on my grounds. Sweet eyes adorned with iron jaws. Good children of mother moon that howl and sing with me when you are gone. Monday night and I dream of you if I can afford it. 

Tuesday morning and I’m awake to see the sun rise. I keep an orchid in my heart, and it fills with purple light with every dusk and every dawn. Tuesday morning and I take a bath. I clean my eyes and my thought under the hot stream. I paint my smile with colors shared underneath a tree, and my hopes with rose and moon. Tuesday morning and I wear an ironed shirt. I whistle my doubts away as I walk down the usual path. I try to spot a nice orchid for you, but it insist on dancing on my garden, where it is so beautiful it breaks my heart to cut her. Tuesday morning and I can taste your perfume in the air.

Tuesday afternoon and I see you. 

And all I waited for
And all I hoped for
And all I dreamed for

Seems so insignificant when the touch of you shakes the foundations of my heart.

- Dark Shadow! 

 

Hate to Feel!

Sleep, why bother? Red lights keep on burning and the bonfires have just begun. Sleep, why sleep? Why succumb to empty promises of joy, when joy dwells so far away. Why sleep, except to maybe forget the pain? But lets face it, pain will not go away. I look through my window and I see the area light burning. Seductive temptation waiting to devour a new prey tonight. Did I ever love you, oh! cruel murderer of mine? Or did we just pretend.. pretend so we could forget how alone we were? But did we ever forget? No, we got lost somewhere else, and I offer you my neck and you took it. And with glee and lust you drank my blood, and you watched me die, and that’s our story. I may presume you never cared for me, nor you pretended to do so. At least I can give you some credit for that.. you never faked anything. You always showed me how much you used me, how much you wanted to hurt me. And I always offered you my neck. All that there is left to ask is, why didn’t you kill me when you had the chance to do so?

But why bother on such stupid topics on a night like this. Shouldn’t we go out and dance? I should not worry with stories left behind, or with the occasional thought of the whereabouts of a particular guy like you. But it is all so quiet and cold and I don’t want to sleep tonight. Why do it? I have lost all meaning. Maybe there was never meaning behind it all, maybe it was all just an excuse, so I could play my little play for a while. It is dark outside. The moon hangs low and contemplates the wastelands of long lost dreams. So, what should I do before the curtain falls? Say that I love you, yes you my love, to the one I tell that I love you everyday? Well,I love you. And I hope you can find light and meaning. And I hope you never have to see some of the things I have seen, even if a little voice in my head says it could make you stronger. But I love you, and I cannot say I want to see you go through the deepest pits of hell. Or to taste the rotten flesh of the damned.

No… there is no point in going to sleep if I can’t hold you close. There is no point in going out tonight if I can’t see you. There is no meaning behind a night like this, but for you. And you so pale and beautiful, so alone but for me. And sometimes I feel you deserve more of my attention, and sometimes I feel I should know the answer to all your questions. But I don’t, I don’t even know the answers to my own questions. There is no time to cry, kid, so better move on. But I don’t want to cry either. I just want to slip into a sweet numbness amidst your arms and forget all the shit that I must chuck everyday.

The sun won’t be here soon, and there is no misery to make me company. Nor there is laughter. Why live on such a night? Maybe there is meaning after all, some confusing meaning behind it all. And maybe that’s why he never took my life. But why bother asking whys that will always be left unanswered, and every attempt will be emptier than the one before? Why choking on whys when all I need is a little because? Maybe one day the pendulum will swing down. Maybe…

Don’t know why I keep on writing. Maybe it stops me from thinking. Maybe it takes away the pain tonight. I’m in Sumerian haze… but there is no trail of the veil that has left me this way. Maybe it is just the silent sigh of death in love. Maybe it is all just the fucking universal conscience, maybe it is nothing, maybe I’m nuts, maybe I just want to kill half of the world and torture, burn, and maim the other half. I just sometimes hate to feel, I wish I couldn’t feel a all. But then, there will be no meaning at all and it all would be so pointless and stupid that I’ll just take my own life. But well, as my favorite guy once said “You gotta chuck a lot of shit in this life. Just be sure you love her. If you ever doubt, get the hell out of there.” And I’m sure I love her.. so I’ll stay.

Good night my love. There are certain demons that need to be faced, and since I wont do too much tonight, I guess I should do so. Here I left my kiss and wishes for you. Maybe I wont return, maybe they will kill me this time. But I can’t go on with this. I need to heal some internal wounds, cause internal wounds do bleed, they do hurt me. They do get infected and rot my soul. And I’m sorry to leave you this way. I’m sorry I can’t say a proper goodnight to you, cause I don’t know if I’ll be here in the morning. I’m sorry that I have not been strong enough to deal with it. I’m sorry if I ever hurt you. If I ever lied, I do apologize. But please be sure I never stopped loving you. And if I do die, don’t cry for me, just leave thirteen black roses under a tree and move on. Do that which still hurts me to do. Let go off the pain. Never suffer my love, never. There is no need to.

But in the spirit of good things to happen, see you in the morning my love. I love you. There are somethings that need to be done, and they can’t wait anymore. Need to face the wall and look beyond it. Need to kill the pain from the root. Please forgive me, I never meant to hurt you. I know this may be hard to your heart, but, don’t you take it so bad. It is just a thing I get sometimes. Sometimes I need to lose everything so I can do what I want to do.

Te Amo

- Dark Shadow!

Respire

She sat down in front of him. All the mirror collection shattered and all was left was her. Her blackest eyes looked deeply into him. “Who are you?” She asked with dreamy voice. “I am the Zelig” he answered. “I am everyone, I am no one.” She looked down on him with sweetness and tenderness. “Once again life has left you alone in a twister or a storm. Alone in the dark as a child, lost from everyone, left without answers or meaning. Again lost in the depths of your own mind. You got lost and you don’t know how, yet once again.” He looked at her. You were radiant beauty from the days of yore. He sighed. 

“Maybe I was catching butterflies or fireflies, maybe I stooped over the rainbow, maybe it was a bolt of lightning and snow. Maybe just for one second I forgot who I was,, and never bothered to check with myself.” That sometimes happens. But if you are not sure you will find yourself, at least be sure to have someone by your side to tell you. Cause we girls, well, we live in your head mostly. The real versions of us are lost in this world as well. And it can take time to reach out and find us. But I’m sure you can always return, you can always be back to be yourself. It is all question of finding your guiding star and your will to continue. 

It is all a matter of time.

- Dark Shadow! 

There will be times when it gets hard. When you want to give up. At those times, one of you has to carry the love. It may be a week, it may be a month- sometimes it's years. But there is always someone there carrying that love along and ensuring you stay together. It switches back and forth between the two of you, but someone always does.

But here, I want it just to be me and I don't want you to remember me anymore. Forget me and live your life. Decision is taken and it can't be changed; I won't change it. This was a time for you to choose, for your test and for our life, at least for love's sake you would had been with me, no? You failed and so does our love has to fail.

We say a person who has been in pain knows what it is like and so he would never give anyone that pain but you gave all your pain to me. Thanks for that. Forever you will be in my heart and even after I die.

- Dark Shadow!